The Idiot Myself

For months I toiled unnoticed but lauded.

My pen was mighty and my ethic apparent,

But all the while I my good friend defrauded, 

And the reality of my morality transparent.

Day came and day went on the train I would sit, 

Kneading through my thoughts unrepentant a twit.

The tasks came and went as a show starts and ends, 

My will not His, too afraid to make amends.

I had broken a bond forged in love and trust,

For nothing more than momentary lust.

My mind inward said, "Leave it for another day,

The morrow soon cometh and it fades away."

The truth was it dug a whole in my heart, 

Not tugging the strings but shredding the soul, 

The integral man, made a watery tart, 

Crumbling like a bridge with an unpaid toll.

Justice sought me, and I left it buried, 

Along with myself and my life I once felt,

But He came to collect, my chains he carried, 

To bring me to terms in hell to melt.

Out with the lies, the deceit and the pain, 

I had nothing left but tatters and reflection.

I came clean with my indencency in a way so sane, 

My words seemed hollow and full of defection.

I expected no relief, nor exoneration.

I played the cards given me with no expectation.

My crime forgiven by him I forsook, 

But forgiveness of myself for that I still look.